Friday December 15, 2000
21.58 GMT

Alright! Sure, i feel tired. The oven crhistmas party might have something to do with that, dancing till three, showing knickers, drinking loads of cosmopolitans. The first week of freelance work behind me in a new, all english company, might have something to do with that. Having an interview at this 'serious' webdesign company and realising thats not the way i want to go might have something to do with that. Still not being sure whether i want to go to Rotterdam for Christmas, thinking for and against in my head all the time might have something to do with that. Feeling i want to go home, but what do i do then? might have something to do with that. Thinking what on earth am i gonna do with this website, do i want like designery stuff here, or diary, why don't i make lots of nice little creative things, like i used to, why don't i have a little fun, in this place of all places, which is all mine, typographically incorrect, but who gives a shit. Fuck, i don't want a designer site, i just want some place i feel at home, where i can do what i want to do, cuz its mine! So why don't i do that?

So yeah, i feel tired. pffff. And i don't know what to do, with my life. But at least i'm working, i'm trying, i'm still here, and if i do want to go back in march i will just go, and if i do want to stay here in London for christmas iw ill just do that as well. So i can watch tv in Andreas his room, play Tekken on his Playstation 2, play loud music in Karika's room (not in Damien's room, cuz there is that scary mannequin) and be online, read science fiction, spoil myself silly, walk through silent London, do whatever.

Yeah right, i don't feel comfortable, well, that was the whole point, wasn't it?

Alright, time for some serious sleeping now. Glad i got this of my chest though. Yeah!