I have been thinking about this email for a week now. I am not sure about replying to it in public. It has helped me to clarify my thoughts about this project, 'Presents'. Three months now, and it is very much a balancing act. Replying to this email gives me space to reflect, and to state my position, at least for now.

>Subject: Project Management
>Sent: 01-08-1919 09:21
>Received: 09-08-1999 00:40
>From: Igor Katalnikov, ...@...
>To: ellen@luna.nl
>
>Hi,
>
>Something to think about when you'll be back from London.
>I've been talking to some qualified dudes over here (that's why business
>E-mail address).
>
>We think that http://home.luna.nl/~ellen/present/
><http://home.luna.nl/~ellen/present> project came to its end. How
>successful it was I would not judge but one day as a project length is just
>to short for bringing any message across worth bringing it over. Unless you
>are in some sort of spiritual exhibitionism. In that case - get a life.

First of all, the project lenght is not one day. For me, all the pages of Presents, ever since May 14, are one project. All the pages connect with each other. The rule of Presents is that i do make one page each day, and usually i get the idea for that page on the day itself. I am looking for a surprise, something i didn't expect, something that counteracts the previous pages, counteracts my idea of what this is all about. I didn't start this project with a clear plan, i do get plans along the way, follow them, devise new plans, change my mind, think again, and get back to the first plan (or not).

Even though i think of Presents as one project, it does consists of seperate pages, which can be viewed on their own. I would like every day to say something in some way. And i do think it is possible to make something worthwhile in a day. Through all of Presents (and Retrospective, and Homebase), i might be working on one single message, thinking of many different ways of saying it. The message could be something like: you are never there, there is no final solution, there is always something more, a different angle, it is very tempting to be certain of what you're doing, don't fall in that trap. All the more reason to keep on going.

Ofcourse, Presents will end someday. I admit, the past weeks haven't been easy, and i have thought of quitting. But that would have been the easy way out. Going though all the pages i've made, i see the sketchiness of them, and i think there is a lot more where that came from. Going through a rough time (after the initial 'honeymoon' period) might get me to 'another level', of which i don't have a clear conception now. One thing is certain, i won't get there if i quit. As for spiritual exhibitionism, yeah, ofcourse, thats what this is all about!

>Use your techniques yourself instead of letting other to make money with it.
>Me for example. It is always:
>
>1. What do you want to say (you supposed to be sure that your message
>is relevant).
>2. How you bring your message across (You know it good enough already).
>3. Just do it.
>4. If you do not have an expected result - rethink steps 1 and 2.

1. I am not sure my message is relevant. I hope i can put myself on the wrong foot.
2. I don't know it good enough. I still got so much to learn, so many ways to explore.
3. I agree.
4. Expected result? That might be the feeling after i've made a good day. Happiness.

>
>Technically speaking you can not do much more without new browser on client
>side or server-side scripts. So you start to repeat yourself making traffic
>signs out of smile's. And this is simply boring. Makes me think about junk
>mail. Do you think there is so much junk mail that people got a sort of
>immune to it? Like in a Happy Single Square Circle*. You try and try and
>it's always:
>
>Same shit - another day.

It comes with the territory, there are off-days, days i visit something again, try to find another angle. It might be boring, that is the risk of not having prepared everything in advance. I mean, thats life: same shit, another day.

>
>I wonder though where did the white dot go after Single Square met other
>Single Square?

The dot got away!

>
>Have a nice time in London together with thousands of other Dutch tourists.
>Hope you can figure out what actually you want to tell the rest of humanity
>besides this simple fact.

The dynamics of Presents was a surprise for me. From the start i had an increase in visitors. That was a wonderful feeling, having an audience, getting email with lots of praise. It contributed to the happy feeling the first weeks. It is tempting to repeat myself, look for that same thrill, over and over again. I know there are special pages in Presents, and there are pauses, breaks, fillers. They can be repetitous, but they are as much a part of Presents as the special pages. It is the most important aspect of Presents, making something every day, get inspiration somewhere, somehow. Make an effort. Every day, again and again.

>
>Yours truly,
>Igor Katalnikov
>Consultant
>

PS. Ofcourse Presents will end some day. That might be in days, in weeks, in months. I don't know how long i have the will to keep on going. But now is not the time to worry about that. It will end when its time.